The Death Card and Our Dark Nights of the Soul

I am often moved to ruminate over our dark nights of the soul, as I increasingly find that people who come to me for spiritual counselling are at some stage of a struggle through their dark night of the soul.

When using tarot for guidance, the Death card invariably comes up for these situations.  It is a reminder that we need to let go, experience the loss, the darkness, in order to be reborn into a new way of being, thinking or doing, depending on what we are dealing with.

What is a dark night of the soul? It can descend upon us as a pervading feeling of sadness, discouragement, or a sense of meaninglessness.  My own experience of the dark night is when an event happens that disrupts the status quo, unveiling the reality of the situation.  I may be moving through life in a fairly routine and unconscious way, doing the same things, and probably not doing much self-examination in terms of my life path.  This correlates so strongly with the meaning of the Death card!  When the Death card appears in our reading, it is asking us to shake off those things that no longer serve us.  It is a form of death to the old, and new life to the new.

The universe has an uncanny way of jolting us out of our complacency.  A job loss, a relationship breakdown, or a financial loss – all of these things can catapult us into the middle of a dark night of the soul. 

Many have written on the topic: Thomas Moore, St John of the Cross, Carl Jung (he called it Night Sea Journey), Thom F Cavalli, Phd, Pema Chodron, Eckhart Tolle, to name a few.

According to Thom F Cavalli Phd, “if you are searching for your personal alchemy, start with your mess, your crisis, your broken dreams, or your worst nightmares.  This is where you are most vulnerable, and most likely to summon up the courage for a dramatic change.”[1]

Stagnation is a killer – we all know that, but complacency is easy!   We seem to need a crisis to sit up and take notice of our lives, and the direction we are going in.  Fear is another great impediment – it is easier to stay in a relationship than create the chaos and the heartache of leaving.  Many people are frightened of the Death card, which probably indicates a lack of understanding of the appearance of this card, or a fear of change. Those who understand its meaning would do well to embrace the opportunity to own what we need to let go of, so that we can grow.

It can be helpful to visualise where you are in the grief cycle, a model devised by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler.  While Elisabeth and David created this model for people who are dealing with physical death, it can also be applied to any loss we are feeling, or any disruption or unwelcome change that is visiting our lives.

According to David Kessler, “The five stages- denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost. They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling. But they are not stops on some linear timeline in grief. Not everyone goes through all of them or in a prescribed order. Our hope is that with these stages comes the knowledge of grief’s terrain, making us better equipped to cope with life and loss. At times, people in grief will often report more stages.”[2]

Figure 1 Source: Brigid Barrett - The Grief Cycle

My favourite writer on this topic is Thomas Moore in his book titled “Dark Nights of the Soul”.  My dog-eared copy of this book is constantly on loan to my clients and friends, as I find his wisdom to be profound and life-changing.   In his Book “Dark Nights of the Soul” there is a passage that refers to a time when we come to a fork in the road.  His message is – take the other road!    It sounds simple, and believe me, it is that simple.  If you find yourself looking at other options, it may be a significant omen that it is time to make a change.[3]

Always remember there is professional help out there, and don’t be afraid to ask.  Everyone in this life is on a journey, and everyone has a dark night of the soul, so don’t be discouraged. Be brave! This is your moment to make a real difference to your life.

[1] For further information go to https://healthypsych.com/navigating-the-dark-night-of-the-soul/

[2]  For further information go to https://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/

[3] For more information on Thomas Moore’s writings go to http://thomasmooresoul.com/No problem